Oh Scot - Land, Scot -Land....

Scotland, dear friends, is quite possibly one of the BEST countries in the WORLD!
 
I met Fiona in Edinburgh ( FYI - yes, I have been spelling Edinburgh incorrectly because my phonetic spelling of it makes more sense to me).....and decided to spend the afternoon there, wandering around....
 
The reason that my Kiwi roommate is in Scotland is that her little sister is marrying a Marine, and he is stationed in Arboath - which is an hour train ride out of Edinburgh, in the direction of Aberdeen. Phew!
 
....Edinburgh is BEAUTIFUL, and a big tip of the hat to the city planners for maintaining what looks like 95% of it's older architecture. We didn't pay to go into the castle, but spent our time strolling up and down streets, going in and out of any shop that caught our eye. As we walked, we chatted our faces of and, I confessed to Fiona wanting to try Absinthe before leaving Europe. She was up for that - but was also really craving some proper fish and chips....Well, lo' and behold! It's been shown to me again and again, "ask and ye shall receive"! We turned a corner, just as the words left Fee's mouth, and there in front of us was: A Mexican bar with a HUGE sign reading Absinthe AND right next door, a Fish & Chip shop!!! That pretty much solidified our plans for the rest of the day!
 
We indulged in a Spanish Absinthe, still made from wormwood, that was 70% alcohol! The lovely Scottish man behind the counter seemed a bit worried about us - but poured them all the same. I was a bit disappointed that we didn't get proper, fancy Absinthe spoons so that we could carmelise our sugar on our own...but when you're dealing with open flame and alcohol, best to let the bar tender do it when it's your first time!
 
For those who have never tried it - Absinthe is bright green ( thus the nick-name the Green Fairy) and tastes like Anise ( that's licorice flavoured for the Albertans!). "Modern" Absinthe was originally distilled by a French doctor to make taking wormwood ( which helps digestion but tastes REALLY bitter) more palatable. It was sold as an herbal tonic....but didn't take folks long to realise that it was ALSO had hallucinogenic side effects. ( the Greeks had been using wormwood for various ailments for a long time). What the absinthe of the day had, that ours TODAY doesn't have, is high amounts of Thujone - which is classified as a convulsant poison(!)...but in fact is very similar in its make-up to THC. The Absinthe available to us today has a MAXIMUM of 10mg/ litre ( though you can buy Logan Fils online which is made in ORIGINAL proportions!!!) Here's little quote:
 
As Oscar Wilde once described :"The first stage is like ordinary drinking, the second when you begin to see monstrous and cruel things, but if you can persevere you will enter in upon the third stage where you see things that you want to see, wonderful curious things." And this is what probably made famous artists what they were.
 
I can safely say that Fee and I stayed in stage one....though we had two shots each. It didn't not feel like any other kind of drunk that I've experienced before....You know how different alcohols you feel in different parts of the body.....this was all in the head. It was quite strange to feel drunk in the head and sober everywhere else!
 
Anyhow - at some point I made my way to the washroom - and here is where I discovered an interesting perk to traveling in Scotland! In the washroom, over the toilet were the usual tampon/ condom/ perfume dispensers and, AND - a VIBRATOR dispenser!!! For 5£ you could get yourself a vibrator right then and there! Well, I had to rush back out to Fiona and share this news! We bought one, of course - because it's not everyday that you come across a vibrator dispenser! It was as basic a model as you can get....and we ended up saving it to give to her sister for her Hen-Night. Hilarious! I believe though that it's an extremely good idea, and imagine that it could keep a gal out of serious trouble when you're drunk at a bar and feeling "on the prowl"! Rather than end up with some drunken loser - you simply grab 5£ and head off on your own! That's CIVILISED! ( I should also mention that this little discovery had me checking out the dispensers in every pub we went into. I also saw every flavour of condom you can think of, including WHISKY flavoured - that boldly displayed the warning: "Do not use this product while driving.", and "Extra Safe" condoms, which left me concerned about the quality of the rest of them!)
 
Arbroath, where Fee's sister lives, is like walking onto a film set. It's a seaside town of 23 000, there's the constant sound of seagulls in the air, and other than the church and remains of the old Abbey, there are no buildings over 3 stories high. All round you are green hills, ocean and the smell of salt water. And, can I just say that little children with thick, Scottish accents are ENCHANTING!
 
We treated our time in Arbroath like our afternoon in Edinburgh. We got up late everyday and when we felt so moved, wandered in to town to explore. What I noticed were an unusual number of second hand stores and a suspicious number of young people in wheel chairs!? I wasn't albe to get an explanation for it. Very strange though....And I saw two midgets, Scottish midgets.
 
On Saturday night, we all got dressed up for Fee's sister's Hen Night ( that's stagette). There were 9 of us dressed like naughty, Catholic school girls. What IS IT about that look that makes the men go crazy? Another thing - the folks in Scotland are refreshingly up front about hitting on each other in the pubs. Fee and I both had a number of guys come up and say things along the lines of, " You're beautiful, you're so pretty, I like you in that skirt, can I buy you a drink? Do you have a man? Would it be alright if I kissed you? Can I have your phone number? Why don't you come to Dundee with me? I like that you look 12." And when they got the slightest of negative answers from us - they simply said, "Lovely to meet you", and moved on! Now - at first it was a little shocking - I'm used to dealing with thinly veiled agendas and lame attempts at witty conversation - but once I adjusted, I realised that it was at least up front and honest of them, and it wasted a whole lot LESS of my time and theirs! And it was all done in such a friendly way - it became more and more amusing! ( Especially when I had a 22 year old Marine peg me as NO OLDER than 23 years old! Bless his hazy, drunken eyes....and him wanting to know what my favourite bands are!)
 
All in all - it was an extremely FUN night. Lots of dancing and drinking, and teasing the bride-to-be. Fee and I later ended up at a dance bar called DeVittos - yes, that's right, a pub in Scotland named for a short, balding, Italian film star. Go figure!
 
Oh yeah...and another thing! I also used the Arbroath Super-Loo! Yup - it's a public washroom downtown....There's and attendant who sits in a little frosted-glass booth. It costs 20p to get in, and you're even issued a ticket! I was let down that there was no wee, Scottish man to wipe my ass for me....but there were vases of plastic flowers everywhere, and you can also but your "feminine products" from the attendant, as well as nappies for the babies. ( I should have asked about vibrators!) The Arbroath Super-Loo also won "Loo of the Year" in 2001, 2002. I'm curious as to who the competition is!
 
I will definitely have to travel back to Scotland!