Candy Critic Inspires....

It has been pointed out to me that it has been FAR too long since my las post. I must admit that this was a real surprise to me - as I considered my blog a great way to keep people informed about my trip this past summer and nothing more. As we got to briefly chatting about it however, it occured to me that I missed writing it. How weird! I love writing and I LOVE language - two loves that revealed themselves at an early age in fact. In Mrs. Nesseem's grade 5 class at Mayland Heights Elementary School we were asked to write a new story every week. We would then break into groups, read them to each other and then vote one person from the group to read their story in front of the class. Alas, it was not long before fewer and fewer kids wanted to be in my group because it was always my story that got voted to be read. As a result, I have found it difficult to write ever since! Who knows what other deep, elementary school scars continue to hold me back!?

So, why the turn around now?

I was chatting with an ex-improv student of mine last night who has gone through some significant life changes of late, and is looking forward to more big leaps in his future. He made the comment that , "improv has changed his life," and I thought - "You know, it's changed mine too!" If I were to be brutally honest here though, I would have to say that improv has changed my life - but far too often do I forget it's most basic principals when it comes to my everyday life. Damn FEAR! It creeps back in if we are not ever diligent!

Keith Johnstone was here recently, teaching at a week long improv workshop I produced. He said, " If we can find a way to remove fear, then you wouldn't have to train as an improviser,or anything else for that matter, you'd just do it naturally."

I have not yet discovered a way to remove fear completely.....stay positive, inspire your partners, take risks, play and leap into the unknown. If we practice these things, in spite of fear, then maybe Fear will get the message and take a hike?!

Well, last night one of my "partners" inspired me by the courage he's showing in his life, and that in turn has lead me to find the courage to sit down and write - even though I'm afraid that no one will read this, or if they do they won't like it - which really means they don't like me.....ah, FEAR!

I am constantly talking to my students about embracing fear and welcoming failure - but when it comes to my turn to practice these things on, or off stage - I am in the same boat as everone else ( though I maybe know a few TRICKS to make it LOOK like I'm relaxed and free)! One step forward, two steps back......

So - after my big adventure this summer with it's various set backs, surprises, reminders and encouragement from people's posts - I find myself back in Toronto with my MIND fully present.....and with the mind comes FEAR, and with fear comes all sorts of bizarre behaviour that I'm often not proud of......My attempts at "Losing My Mind" continue, as does my writing - all thanks to a certain Candy Critic's inspiration!

I have several new adventures that I want to embark on that inspire GREAT FEAR:

1. Write and perform a one woman show ( God help me!)
2. Launch my own series of improv classes ( in order to pass on what gifts were given to me)
3. Dive deeper into my own improv practice ( which has been a serious challenge of late)
4. Take a clown class ( yes - I did say CLOWN class!)
5. and someday, someday.....open a Loose Moose style theatre that will provide a similar environment to the one where I learned all of this crazy stuff about fear and the unknown!
6. Keep writing....
7. Write a book about improv ( good Christ!!!)

YIKES!!! Baby steps....baby steps.....

Well, with that huge vomit of fear and intentions - I will sign off by wishing all (read C.C 'cause no one else reads this damn thing!) by saying:

Happy Holidays to all and much Love,

Rebecca

ps.
www.loosemoose.com/toronto