What's In a Name?

A couple of people have emailed me recently to suggest that the time has come to change the name of my Blog.
I'm flattered that friends feel that I've evolved enough in my life to perhaps let go of the idea that I might be 'losing my mind'! This has prompted me however to explain the meaning behind my chosen Blog title...for anyone who cares, that is. All others are encouraged to stop reading, catch the next cyber wave and surf off in another direction!

"Losing My Mind - Adventures In Fear and Failure"

Losing my mind is a GOAL and not a comment on my state of mind. By 'mind', I think I mean ego - the little voice that is CONSTANTLY providing a running commentary to my life. It likes to say things like, "You don't deserve this, your teeth aren't white enough, you need to lose 10 pounds, why bother, everyone hates you, you're a bitch, it won't work out the way you want it to, your best years are behind you, give up, no one cares, you're alone, you're too old, you're not pretty enough, you're a fraud, etc...." Oh - it's quite the Monster! And interestingly enough this little voice becomes quite a BIG voice when I decide to head off on some new adventure. Anything unknown or new that makes me feel a bit fearful, or nervous, BOOM!!! In steps my 'mind' in an attempt to hold me back. And if ever I set out to do something and it doesn't turn out the way "I wanted it to!" (stomp, stomp, pout, pout!)....well then my mind throws stuff around like, " Told ya so!"

I've read lots of books that suggest the best way to quiet this voice is to meditate. So far, I've not been able to fully get into the swing of meditation. I get ants in my pants - or, I fall asleep! Mostly....I fall asleep. What I've found that helps me is to Blog while I'm off on some adventure - because often putting some of the things that run through my mind into type helps me to find humor in it, then I can see how ridiculous that voice is, have a little laugh, share it with friends and maybe give them a giggle...and the voice quiets down a bit...or rather, I lose a little bit of my mind!

The idea that my fear, or any one of my perceived 'failures' might provide me with writing material that could possibly give my pals a bit of a chuckle is my form of meditation, I guess. And, as was pointed out to me on this Blog many postings ago, when I was in despair over not finishing the Camino and feeling like a big loser it was great opportunity for me to practise what a preach as an improv teacher. "Celebrate your 'failures' - it's the only way to really learn anything, and while you're laughing the wounded ego dissipates and you're able to look around and see opportunities for growth and new adventures that you wouldn't have seen otherwise."

So - to those who have suggested a name change, I thank you for your kind words. Thus far though, while I DO feel like I'm evolving as a human being, I have not yet rid myself of that little voice. I may never get rid of it.....so, until then I am ever on a quest to face my fears, laugh at my failures and LOSE MY MIND!

R