The Inner Sanctum....The Unseen Enemy

Welcome, welcome...to the FIRST "Losing My Mind" posting since going private.

"Losing my mind", couldn't be a more appropriate statement to sum up the past month!

Yes - Norway was good, and fun....but it was slightly tainted by me arriving ILL with some weird little-kid-cold that I picked up from the kids on set....which I then promptly passed on to Bruce. So, what was to have been our "free honeymoon" was mostly spent high in Norwegian cold remedies....

"Well," we thought, "there's always Acapulco!"

Last weekend Bruce and I boarded, for the first time in our lives, a PRIVATE chartered flight to Mexico with 8 of our friends and 72 lawyers. Biz-Improv booked it's first big gig (a Go Game) which afforded us the luxury of offering some of the gang (Peter Oldring, Pat Kelly, Roman Danylo, Audrey Dwyer, Tracey Erin Smith...along with Albert, Bruce and myself) a free trip to Acapulco and a stay in the Fairmont Princess in exchange for a few hours of their time in helping to animate the interactive scavenger hunt that is the Go Game. The rest of our time was our own. There were many hours spent on the beach, in the ocean, at bars, etc....just lounging and drinking cervesas! Mucho beuno.....or so you would think!

Bruce and Audrey and I got it into our heads to go swimming with the dolphins...but neglected to make reservations and so we couldn't get in. This lead Bruce and I to "plan B" - horse back riding on the beach. What could be more romantic than newly weds galloping along the surf? WELL - first off...the horses we rented were the TINIEST, most TIRED horses I've ever come across. We paid for 45 minutes and ended up returning the horses after 20 minutes because we felt so bad for them. They really had nothing more than a half-hearted trot in them....So we let up on the reigns and the little darlings turned right around and walked straight back to their hitching posts. Ah, well....At least we made an effort....

It wasn't until we got on the plane the next day that I realised how ITCHY my legs were....and then I noticed the BITES. HUGE, MASSIVE, RED WELTS were coming up all over my shins. Can anyone say "FLEA BITES"?!!!!

We have now been home for a WEEK and I still have red welts all over my legs. When I wear shorts out in public, people stare at me in horror as though I may be "case 0" of this summer's "outbreak". After the welts started to turn purple...I finally caved and went to a doctor - who barely said 10 words to me as he dashed off a prescription for cortisone cream....I have been applying it faithfully, even though some of the possible side effects are REDNESS AND ITCHING!!!!! WTF???????????????????????? They are slowly fading....

As if the welts weren't enough....since returning from Mexico we have found TWO unidentifiable INSECTS in our apartment which we believe may have come home with us in our luggage. Needless to say, I LOST my MIND! This morning we had a pest-control professional come to fumigate our entire apartment. We'd saved the little Mexican beasties in a zip-lock for him to inspect. And what did he say? "I've never seen anything like that in my life"!

FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC.

So, Carlos took one with him to investigate, and we have the other. We have discovered that the ROM's entomology department will do their best to identify any insects you bring in....so that is our plan for this week....

I feel ATTACKED and INVADED and completely at the mercy of Mother Nature. It's embarrassing to be a grown-up who can be so completely undone by a tiny, red, six-legged insect.....And so, as I sit and type this I am noticing that I am developing a head ache and that my throat is burning a little bit, and scratchy....The price I am paying for the decision to BLAST any possible Mexican invaders with God-only-knows what sort of chemicals. I thought my 33 year was meant to end with a glorious resurrection and that life would be coming up roses for a long while....Not so. I turned 34 on the plane ride home from Norway and have felt completely unbalanced ever since....I may be on the verge of a nervous breakdown....

On a lighter note, "Alice, I Think" aired last week and so far the majority of the reviews have been positive. We were on the cover of Star Week TV Guide...And tomorrow morning we are off to CTV to film our "bouncy-red-ball" spot. I will be wearing pants to hide my welts - but readers, when you see me on your TV, dodging the CTV red ball, feeling like I may be at the pinnacle for Canadian success...know that behind that smile I am more itchy that anyone might have thought humanly possible....

I'd like to write more...but I think I may be losing my vision....