Isaac Newton Had It Easy....

Yesterday morning I got up early and decided to start my day with a glass of FRESH juice.

(recently I purchased the Jack LaLaine Power Juicer after having watched Jack, at the age of 91, drag a deluxe-sized bus behind his tiny body as part of his info-mercial....Which is direct proof as to why Bruce should NOT leave me home alone for any longer than a week at a time lest I get involved in "depression-spending")

Into the juicer I tossed carrots, ginger and apples. Yummy!

Juicers come with rules though...

1. NO LOOKING INTO THE VEGETABLE SHOOT

...this is the MOST important rule. There are fast moving parts in there, attacking and pulverizing you veggies. Looking into the shoot is asking for a flying chunk of veggie to take one of your eyes out. I NEVER look into the shoot, and yesterday I was grateful that I observe this rule religiously.

I tossed in two chunks of apple - and immediately a bit of apple and a few seeds flew right back out of the shoot, a seed even hitting me in the forehead before I could get the shoot plug in place to push the apples to their doom. I counted myself lucky for not having lost an eye and went about my morning, enjoying my fresh juice, and promptly forgetting ALL about the apple incident.

The time came to get ready for the rest of my day. Imagine my shock and confusion when I stepped into the bathroom, looked into the mirror and discovered a trickle of DRIED BLOOD running down my forehead from my hair-line!!! How could this have happened?! I was truly startled until I also noticed several large chunks of apple caught in my freshly washed hair!

Let this be a lesson the the juicers of the world: APPLES FIGHT BACK!

;-)

The Inner Sanctum....The Unseen Enemy

Welcome, welcome...to the FIRST "Losing My Mind" posting since going private.

"Losing my mind", couldn't be a more appropriate statement to sum up the past month!

Yes - Norway was good, and fun....but it was slightly tainted by me arriving ILL with some weird little-kid-cold that I picked up from the kids on set....which I then promptly passed on to Bruce. So, what was to have been our "free honeymoon" was mostly spent high in Norwegian cold remedies....

"Well," we thought, "there's always Acapulco!"

Last weekend Bruce and I boarded, for the first time in our lives, a PRIVATE chartered flight to Mexico with 8 of our friends and 72 lawyers. Biz-Improv booked it's first big gig (a Go Game) which afforded us the luxury of offering some of the gang (Peter Oldring, Pat Kelly, Roman Danylo, Audrey Dwyer, Tracey Erin Smith...along with Albert, Bruce and myself) a free trip to Acapulco and a stay in the Fairmont Princess in exchange for a few hours of their time in helping to animate the interactive scavenger hunt that is the Go Game. The rest of our time was our own. There were many hours spent on the beach, in the ocean, at bars, etc....just lounging and drinking cervesas! Mucho beuno.....or so you would think!

Bruce and Audrey and I got it into our heads to go swimming with the dolphins...but neglected to make reservations and so we couldn't get in. This lead Bruce and I to "plan B" - horse back riding on the beach. What could be more romantic than newly weds galloping along the surf? WELL - first off...the horses we rented were the TINIEST, most TIRED horses I've ever come across. We paid for 45 minutes and ended up returning the horses after 20 minutes because we felt so bad for them. They really had nothing more than a half-hearted trot in them....So we let up on the reigns and the little darlings turned right around and walked straight back to their hitching posts. Ah, well....At least we made an effort....

It wasn't until we got on the plane the next day that I realised how ITCHY my legs were....and then I noticed the BITES. HUGE, MASSIVE, RED WELTS were coming up all over my shins. Can anyone say "FLEA BITES"?!!!!

We have now been home for a WEEK and I still have red welts all over my legs. When I wear shorts out in public, people stare at me in horror as though I may be "case 0" of this summer's "outbreak". After the welts started to turn purple...I finally caved and went to a doctor - who barely said 10 words to me as he dashed off a prescription for cortisone cream....I have been applying it faithfully, even though some of the possible side effects are REDNESS AND ITCHING!!!!! WTF???????????????????????? They are slowly fading....

As if the welts weren't enough....since returning from Mexico we have found TWO unidentifiable INSECTS in our apartment which we believe may have come home with us in our luggage. Needless to say, I LOST my MIND! This morning we had a pest-control professional come to fumigate our entire apartment. We'd saved the little Mexican beasties in a zip-lock for him to inspect. And what did he say? "I've never seen anything like that in my life"!

FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC.

So, Carlos took one with him to investigate, and we have the other. We have discovered that the ROM's entomology department will do their best to identify any insects you bring in....so that is our plan for this week....

I feel ATTACKED and INVADED and completely at the mercy of Mother Nature. It's embarrassing to be a grown-up who can be so completely undone by a tiny, red, six-legged insect.....And so, as I sit and type this I am noticing that I am developing a head ache and that my throat is burning a little bit, and scratchy....The price I am paying for the decision to BLAST any possible Mexican invaders with God-only-knows what sort of chemicals. I thought my 33 year was meant to end with a glorious resurrection and that life would be coming up roses for a long while....Not so. I turned 34 on the plane ride home from Norway and have felt completely unbalanced ever since....I may be on the verge of a nervous breakdown....

On a lighter note, "Alice, I Think" aired last week and so far the majority of the reviews have been positive. We were on the cover of Star Week TV Guide...And tomorrow morning we are off to CTV to film our "bouncy-red-ball" spot. I will be wearing pants to hide my welts - but readers, when you see me on your TV, dodging the CTV red ball, feeling like I may be at the pinnacle for Canadian success...know that behind that smile I am more itchy that anyone might have thought humanly possible....

I'd like to write more...but I think I may be losing my vision....

Random Crap....

Yesterday I saw Dustin Hoffman....

....and didn't speak to him at all! I'm SO Canadian.

I was on set for a bit more shooting yesterday afternoon, and when I came out of the make-up trailer there was Mr.Hoffman returning from location. Honestly, I didn't think I was going to get to see him at all - but there he was looking extremely friendly....But what do you say? What do you do? There are those who would run over and introduce themselves right away, gush about his body of work, rattle on about how they've always wanted to meet him....I've just never been one of those people.

There are few "stars" that I've dreamed of meeting: David Suzuki (who I did meet doing a promo video for the Calgary Public Library)....Lorne Greene (who died when I was in grade 8...Poor commander Adama!)....that's about it. Yes - there are famous people whose work I respect and admire...but again, if I were in the same room I'd be hard pressed to simply step forward and introduce myself just for that reason. I suppose because I've always tried to look at all human beings as EQUAL....and I would never just walk right up, randomly, out of nowhere and introduce myself to a stranger that happened to be crossing my path as I came out of a make-up trailer.

This could be out of arrogance on my part though, a refusal to get caught up in hero worship and ask for an autograph!....Maybe I simply refuse to recognise 'stars' as any MORE special than myself, or anyone else, out of sheer stubbornness. When I have met famous people....I try to keep conversation as real and as low-key as possible. I shoot the shit as I would with anyone else..."How do you like Toronto? Are you home sick? How's the hotel?"

When I was 3 1/2 I was on the Buckshot Show. Buckshot would allow each child to stand up next to him and he would ask things like, "What's your name, how old are you, do you have any siblings?" I was NOT able to wait to be invited up to stand next to him. I rattled on at him from my place on the carpet, "My mom's pregnant right now and is going to have a baby soon." I mean, come ON! Shouldn't we speak when inspiration strikes? And then share the things on our minds that MATTER in the moment? When I was four, or five years old I met Werner Klemperer at the Ponderosa Steak House in Calgary. (He played Colonel Klink on Hogan's Heros! God only knows what he was doing in the Ponderosa in Calgary!!!???) I walked right over to his table and offered him half, and ONLY HALF, of my Twizzler. He accepted and, our exchange of social kindness complete, I returned to my dinner.

I think I steer clear though, more out of a sense of empathy. It must be overwhelming to have strangers rush at you, wanting to shake your hand. So, in my Canadian, prairie gal way I prefer to leave a respectful distance.

So...I may have missed my chance to meet Dustin Hoffman - I didn't have any Twizzlers on me...and my Mom's not about to have a baby. C'est la vie. He seemed very positive and friendly and had spent the morning buying pizza for the crew, and that's all I know.

Back Stage Pass....

Re: this BLOG going private very SOON!

Ok. I've made the choice. We're going private....before May 26th.
So here's the deal....Soon, when you arrive at "www.northan.com" you will be asked for a Username and Password.
The clues to these two things will be as follows:

Username: What is the name of the neighbourhood Rebecca grew up in?
Password: Rebecca's Mom's first name.

IF you are a regular reader who does NOT know the answer to these questions you will have to contact me and apply for access. Many of you have already spoken up about who you are....so I'll just send the answers along once I get your email.

It's THAT easy!

Cheers!

;-)

Home again, home again....Jiggity, Jig!

We're HOME!!!

What a wonderful trip! Loose Moose performed on the Friday evening. We had the first half of the show to ourselves and played Gorilla. I could attempt modesty at this point...but we did in fact have a GREAT show and the Norwegians went bananas for us. In truth, our half was a little bit too funny which always raises the concern that you leave yourself nowhere to go in the second half. Our efforts to "bring it down" only resulted in more laughter and applause. We were playful and mischievous...just the way Keith Johnstone likes it (but too funny).

It was SO great to be improvising with Calgarians again. There are wonderful improvisers in Toronto, a handful that I even look up to and learn from when I see them work....But Calgary improvisers have a certain quality about them that is rarely found elsewhere. It's an amazing feeling to look into the eyes of your fellow improviser and a) they're right there looking back at you, b) there is so much trust between you that even if a scene is sucking you know you can admit it and go down in flames together, c) when a scene IS going down in flames...it's not long before another improviser runs in to try and save your ass, and d) there is a common goal of "tell a story and take care of each other first"....and trust that the comedy will come to you in the moment without having to sacrifice the scene or your partner. Ahhhhh.....improv BLISS! ( and LIFE bliss too, because wouldn't it be GREAT if the people in your life had your back in that same way? I think that's why I have such good friends!)

In the second half we played Theatresports against Oslo. Our team name was, "Rumpe Hule"....which is a literal translation into Norwegian of "Asshole". We found it amusing, as did the Norwegians who had to yell it out anytime they wanted to vote for us. Tony Totino, a former Mooser of days gone by, played with the Norwegian and improvised IN NORWEGIAN!!! So great! I had met all of these improvisers at a Loose Moose Summer School 13 years ago, if you can believe it! One of them, Thorbjorn Harr (who is now a famous actor in Norway and works at the National Theatre), I must admit to having been madly in love with way back when......Nothing ever happened between us, other than a lot of flirting and some great hanging out with him and the other two Norwegians (Harald Eia and Jan Paul....not sure what his last name is...). However - during the show they challenged us to a scene involving history. Thorbjorn got up and told the audience all about the summer we hung out, how he had felt the same way but had had a girlfriend at the time that he wanted to stay faithful to...who ended up dumping him not long after he returned from Canada, etc....And he wanted to do a scene with ME that would show the life that we might have had IF we had kissed that summer!!!! I could not stop laughing and blushing! (Lucky for me that Bruce is a relaxed and confident man when it comes to stuff like that and he was not phased in the least!)

Anyhow.....In the scene Thorbjorn and I were married, not all that happily, with two ROTTEN, foul-mouthed kids (Shawn Kinley and Derek Flores) and it came out that we had an agreement that we were to live in Canada for 13 years...and then move to Norway.....But I confessed that I couldn't move to Norway....because I can't stand the sound of Norwegian. So, we decided to end it and each take one child. As Thorbjorn was about to leave I suggested that we should at least have a goodbye kiss then....The audience went CRAZY and Thorbjorn and I both got a bit nervous in a "19 year old" way - because it's strange how something like that can take you RIGHT back to where you were 13 years ago! The lights came down on our actual "first-kiss-13-years-after-the-fact", which was lovely and awkward, and partially done in a comedic way to save us both from anything "too real".....But it was nice. Only in the world of improv do you get to manufacture some of the moments you wish you'd had and get to tie up some loose ends. Thorbjorn is well and has a wonderful life in Norway.....He's a father of a beautiful little boy name Illias, and he's going to marry Illias's mother Thai in August. And I have a wonderful life in Canada with Bruce Horak, my HUSBAND! Life is good!

The rest of our time in Norway was gentle. Bruce caught my cold which left us both wiped out and off to bed early every night. Norway is BEAUTIFUL though! We did some great sight-seeing....We went to the National Gallery, to the Viking museum where they have three Viking ships built in 900AD (!!!!). We went to a big park that is FULL of one man's sculptures, over 100 of them, of naked people in various stages of life. STUNNING! We even got the chance to hang out with Thorbjorn, Jan Paul, Tony and their families and walk through the Norwegian wood and spend some time at Jan Paul's house and see the domestic side of Norwegian life. Delightful!

Now we are home with a week's down time before we head off to Acapulco for a corporate gig. I can hardly wait! There's a HUGE group of us going down: Albert Howell, Peter Oldring, Pat Kelly, Roman Danylo, Audrey Dwyer, Tracey Erin Smith....! We're there for three days, but only working for one! I have no doubt I will have MUCH to tell after that little trip! If anyone is curious....this gig has come out of a company that Albert and I have started up with a partner, Randy Sabourin. It's called Biz Improv....and we even have a website:

www.biz-improv.com

Check it out. It's really starting to take off! So much so, that Albert and I are a little overwhelmed by the success of it! Be careful what you wish for, I guess! Randy is doing most of the work at this point as Albert and I are still learning the ropes. Fun times!

More later.....

R

Norwegian Wood...

Here I am in Oslo, Norway!

After NINE hours of flying, some running through the halls of Heathrow to make a connection,and a 40 minute drive from the Oslo airport....I arrived safe and sound at an improv workshop being taught by a group of Columbian improvisers. AMAZING!

It's a strange feeling to get on a plan in Toronto, fall asleep, and then wake up on the other side of the world!

Oslo is totally beautiful! There are only half a million people here. The streets feel safe and are free of litter. There are gorgeous plazas everywhere with cafes and fountains to lounge at. There are CITY bikes at bike racks throughout the city - you can buy a yearly pass that gives you access to these bikes. You swipe your card to release a bike and all you have to do is make sure you return it to another City bike rack when you're done with it....and no one ever tries to steal these bikes. In a word: Civilized!

So far we have watched improv shows by the Danes, the Columbians, the Germans and the Swedes. Tonight Loose Moose performs on the same bill with Norweigians. The Columbians' work has been head and shoulders above the other groups so far. Really AMAZING work to watch. There are four of them: Beto, Cecilia, Felipe and Juan, their musician. As improvisers they are all extremely charming, generous and calm. Their work is wonderfully physical, funny, playful and relaxed. Not once did we see that frenetic, tense energy that can creep into so much improv. There was a constant joy of performing about them, and a delight in each others' work. They did a Harold type format that consisted of three different storylines that all came together in the end. Not ONCE did they "comment' on anything that happened - even when they struggled. The entire audience was blown away!

As for the other groups - there have been nice moments for everyone. It's been interesting to watch improv in so many different languages - and yet still see the improvisers struggling with the same issues that improvisers face everywhere. There is obviously a deep seeded, human condition at play that causes improvisers to TALK WAY TOO MUCH, to rarely allow themselves to be CHANGED by what's happening on the stage around them, to try too hard to be funny, to avoid telling stories, to not listen to each other, too much singing....FEAR of the unknown, FEAR of losing control, FEAR of not being liked, FEAR of being altered....You know, all the same fears that we face in life. All very normal and understandable in life, and yet oh, SO deadly on the STAGE. It leaves me both inspired that we're all in it together, and totally depressed that improv hasn't made any bigger steps forward....

We have another workshop this morning followed by a sight-seeing tour of the city. I can hardly wait! I also look forward to seeing some old friends here. About fifteen years ago a group of Norweigians came to the Loose Moose summer school the year I was working on a grant at the Moose. I made fast friends with all of them....and have kept loose tabs on them ever since. All three have gone on the find great success in Oslo. Harald Eia is a BIG star here and has his own TV show. Jan Paul also has a TV show of some kind (as well as a few children!)...and Thorbjorn Harr is a STATE actor at the National Theatre...(and I believe also played the Jack Tripper role on the Norwegian remake of Three's Company!). We'll see them tonight!

Imagine being a State Actor! A government employee - paid to put on plays! The arts occupy a whole other strata in Europe, as opposed to the ghetto-ised position they suffer in Canada. It's hard to wrap your mind around. I can only dream....

Anyhow. It's 7am Oslo time...I should really try to get another hour of sleep. This jet lag business is too much!

More later....
;-)

Whooooo are you? Who, who? Who, who?

Yeah....CSI is a secret addiction of mine. I think the actor that plays Grissam is totally HOT! I know, I know....we're supposed the think the black guy and the other built white guy are the hotties....But I like the slightly older, mysterious smart guy.

Anyhow...that was a total tangent! Because my real reason for writing today is to ask my gentle readers to reveal themselves to me - NOT in a "surprise-me-in-a-dark-alley-and-whip-open-your-bathrobe" king of way....but I invite you all to come forward and let me know who you are and how often you read. Some of you I know well, even too well, as I am forced to suffer your stabbing comments in person after a new post....But others - well, I have no idea. The internet is such a wide open space, perhaps some of you are in prison?!

I ask for a couple of reasons:

1. I'm just plain, old curious...

2. I am toying with the idea of taking my BLOG out of the public domaine. My reason for that is that "Alice, I Think" will be previewing on the Comedy Network on May 26th (8pm if you want to set your VCR!), and on CTV in the fall. Now - the show is very decidedly aimed at a "family" audience and I am concerned that some of the content on this BLOG may not be suitable for younger readers....

Yes- I could very well be jumping the gun here. The show may air, and no one young and impressionable will find my BLOG and read all the intimate details of my life....At this point I'm convinced that most readers are blood relatives and you can just call me and ask for the PASSWORD to get onto my BLOG once I make it private.....But if you DON'T share a genetic code with me, but still want to log on in the future....Well, I'm gonna need to know who you are....Dig?

ALSO....If you're a regular reader and have a blog of your own...I'd be into checking it out!

So, am I being a shitty internet date here and ruining the mood? Is part of the fun of reading someone else's BLOG knowing that you're doing it anonymously? Is there a peeping-Tom aspect to this BLOG thing? ( and who was Tom and how did he get such a shit reputation that his name is forever linked with perverts through time?)......(NOT that any of you are perverts)

Then again....as I've said here many, many times....What do I have to hide? Not much. I'm human. If you're reading this, you are too....OR you're one seriously, fucking SMART house cat - and I want to know all about you too!

I'm torn...

I open the floor for comments....