Holy F@*K!!! I'm getting married tomorrow!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Ok.

Cup cakes are done. 225 chocolate cup cakes! It's amazing what a group of ladies can get done in a morning. Well...Abby's Mom, Diane has been baking a freezing cupcakes for about two weeks now....But the icing is done and now they sit, nestled in beer flats (!) waiting to be picked up for tomorrow.

In three hours: The Rehearsal!

Tomorrow: Insanity!
A Crucifixion...of Rebecca: unmarried gal - quickly followed by:
A Resurrection...of Rebecca: the married lady!
( of course Bruce will go through those things tomorrow too! Maybe more accurate to say:

"A crucifixion of two individuals to be resurrected in the "union of coupledom"....

Whatever....Words begin to fail me.

Good times coming right up!

;-)

A Bride Prepares V....Two more sleeps!

Clearly something is WRONG....

I feel calm and relaxed - I think the kids call it "chill". Our plan of action has been clearly laid out and all we have to do is follow the steps starting tomorrow morning...This is NOT the way wedding planning works on those "reality bride shows" on TV. Thus far there has been no hint, not a whiff of "Bridezilla"....Is it possible that our wedding might avoid all of those cliche trappings? Or is this merely the calm before the Storm to end all Bride Storms?!

There's nothing like having a group of improvisers help plan your wedding. They thrive on the unexpected - so what could possibly come up that one, or all of us, couldn't handle in some creative fashion? I suppose what has helped all along is that Bruce and I, since the beginning, have said, "Whatever's easy and hassle free." The closest I've come to a proverbial "bride-freak-out" has been to threaten to cancell using the Artspace next door to Loose Moose for our reception when the details started to get "fuzzy" - again, all in the spirit of, "If it's going to be a pain in the ass - CUT IT!" Maybe that's the theatre director in me exercising the K.I.S.S principal? (Keep It Simple Stupid!)

Ok. Confession time: I haven't written my vows yet! To be honest, this comes as no surprise to me. I've always left things to the last minute: major papers, class presentations, wedding planning! I seem to work better under pressure, when the motivation to produce comes in the form of knowing my ass is on the line in less than 24 hours! It has crossed my mind to just go out there and wing it! Improvise - take a suggestion and run with it....But then, I've never tried improvising under highly emotional circumstances before....Or have I? Isn't any emotional outburst, fight, or conversation improvised in the moment? I've never been at a loss for words then...Of course, a wedding is a little different -there will be over 100 people watching, listening - judging(?!)....

I guess what I'm wrestling with is the wording....What does one promise? Well, there are the old stand-bys: I promise to love, honour and obey you until death do us part....But how does anyone know that for sure? Until DEATH do us part?!!! What's "for life" anymore? I think we're all practical enough to know that there are no guarentees in this world, right? There are simply too many variables. Now, some friends have accused me of not being "romantic". Let's look at the definition of that word:

1. Of, relating to, or characteristic of romance.
2. Given to thoughts or feelings of romance. See Synonyms at sentimental.
3. Displaying, expressive of, or conducive to love: a romantic atmosphere.
4. Imaginative but impractical; visionary: romantic notions.
5. Not based on fact; imaginary or fictitious: His memoirs were criticized as a romantic view of the past.
6. often Romantic Of or characteristic of romanticism in the arts.

....and let's take a closer look at this:

romantic - not sensible about practical matters; unrealistic; "as quixotic as a restoration of medieval knighthood"; "a romantic disregard for money"; "a wild-eyed dream of a world state"
quixotic, wild-eyed
impractical - not practical; not workable or not given to practical matters; "refloating the ship proved impractical because of the expense"; "he is intelligent but too impractical for commercial work"

Well OK - I guess I'm NOT romantic then, because damn it, I AM sensible about practical matters. I suppose this begs the question then: is marriage a practical matter? Never having been married, I can't say for sure....but I think it might be. Yes, love is a huge part of it, sometimes romance....but it seems to me that what's practical about it is the day-to-day living, and in day-to-day living you just never know what you might come up against...

This whole, " Our wedding is meant to be the BEST day of our lives", and "then we'll live happily ever after"....may well be romantic, but good God does it ever set you up for a fall! I want my wedding to be lovely, and fun - but I don't want to it be the BEST day of my life! How awful to have your BEST day at 33 years old...and then look forward to another 40 - 50 years of "just OK days"?!!!

Here's one of the BEST things Bruce ever said to me: jokingly, one day I asked Bruce if he would, "love me forever" and his responce: "I don't know." Now THAT was a practical answer, which to ME seemed the most romantic thing he could have said because it was HONEST and not coated in any sugary bullshit! Way to sweep me off my feet Horak! I don't want to know how the story ends! That's why I improvise - what fun to say, "I don't know what comes next...but lets take another step together and see where it leads us...". THAT's romantic, and heroic and BRAVE...and something worth doing together I think.

So - I guess what I need to do about these vows is allow for my own definition of romance, and let myself be OK with being practical and honest. I have NO IDEA if any of this will be until "death do us part"....I only know what I feel TODAY, in this moment, and that is: I love Bruce and I'm willing to TRY. I will give it my "best", knowing that no one can ever do BETTER than their "best" and that my best will be different from day to day....

Stick THAT in your romance pipe and smoke it!

;-)

A Bride Prepares IV....The Count Down Begins!

Ah....alone at last!

We've been in Calgary six days and, as you can imagine, it's been go, go, GO! This evening however, Bruce has left the city for a two day Stag Party at the Gladstone Cabin in Windemere. Lucky man! So - that has left me in the company of Bruce's mom who is currently sleeping in the other room while I steal a moment to type...

What a TREAT it is to be back in Calgary. Much about the city has changed - lots of new buildings, WAY more traffic than I remember...But much of it is still the same old Calgary - friendly, blue-collar folk, birds chirping in the budding trees, the mountains...and the SKY, good Lord the SKY!!!

Bruce's Mom's apartment is on the 10th floor of her building and, as she's in a corner unit, we have about a 270 degree view of the gorgeous, Alberta sky. I forgot how amazing it is - or rather, I really took it for granted while I lived here, but NO MORE! Being able to look out a window and see all the way to the horizon does something to your mind and spirit....The only thing I can compare it to is walking into a cathedral in Europe when you look up, up, up into a vaulted ceiling and you are suddenly taken out of your everyday mind, taken out of your Self and made to feel small and humble....That's what an Alberta sky does to you. Breath taking! It helps to give you perspective on the world when your focus can be allowed to travel that far OUT of you. In Toronto you're lucky if you can see across the street! That limited view makes you focus too much on yourself and your petty problems - encourages you to stick your head up your ass while still thinking the sun shines out of it! Blah!!!

I can't think of a better place to be getting married than on the stunning, beautiful, open prairies!

Plans are unfolding nicely. Melissa (sister in law) and Abby (brother's ex) have really got things in hand. We had a "production meeting" last night and at this point - everything comes down to Sunday and Monday. I practiced my "wedding hair-do" this afternoon and it came out GREAT! YES- I'm doing my OWN hair and make-up. I haven't spent all these years in theatre to let someone else do me up for my own wedding! I haven't been walking around in my wedding shoes though....and I'll pay for that, I know!

Oh! And we organised a little food today too. There have been many raised eyebrows at our decision to NOT supply dinner for the guests. It was our thought to do nothing but dessert.....but many people have suggested that it's best to offer a little food when guests are drinking....So, OK. We're getting some veggie, fruit, meat and cheese platters from Safeway...AND...AND...Bruce and I went over the the Canadian Tire parking lot this afternoon and asked The Fry Guy to please drive his chip wagon over to Loose Moose at 11pm on Monday night and sell fries and hotdogs to our guests! How cool is that? And OH, so RUNDLE!!!! I hope The Fry Guy shows - it will be the icing on the wedding cake for sure!

Well....I think that's about all I can manage to pump out for this evening. All this wedding running around is really kicking my ass....And though I'm glad for a little alone time right now - I can't help but wondering what Bruce is up to right now, out at the cabin....and I miss him!

;-)

A Bride Prepares....Part III: "And...Action!"

WOW!

As if getting ready to take the marital plunge weren't enough - I had to go and book my first role in a feature film!!!
Yes - the task of planning and executing a wedding just weren't enough for the workaholic that I am...So I said, "Sure!", when my agent called to send me out on an audition. What would the harm be? It's not like I ever book films...In fact, I don't think I've ever really auditioned for one!

Well - I booked it. Officially I am playing "Nancy Applebaum" in a film called "Mr.Magorium's Wonder Emporium", starring Dustin Hoffman, Natalie Portman and Jason Bateman!!! And a fine young lad named Zack Mills plays Eric Applebaum (my son). Here's the plot outline from IMDB:

Plot Outline: Molly Mahoney (Portman) is the awkward and insecure manager of Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, the strangest, most fantastic, most wonderful toy store in the world. But when Mr. Magorium, the 243 year-old eccentric who owns the store (Hoffman), bequeaths the store to her, a dark and ominous change begins to take over the once remarkable Emporium.

Sounds cool, huh?!!!

On my first day, I shot a scene with Zack and Natalie, and on my third and fourth day, scenes with Zack and Jason. What lovely, professional people. Really. It's a strange thing to be working with people you've seen on TV and in the movies. You have a keen sense of familiarity because you've stared at their faces over and over....and yet, they are strangers... strangers who don't have the privacy of the average stranger....God bless them - it can't be easy!

I'm learning a TON about acting for film, being able to watch these pros up close! I don't think I'll get the chance to meet Dustin Hoffman, alas. I'm done all my "big' scenes....and will be going back to do non-speaking stuff in a few other scenes. The Fates have blessed me in that none of this conflicts with our wedding plans at all! I may have to juggle some Oslo dates, but nothing too drastic!

Anyhow....that's the latest news! I'm still a bit in shock, I think. Tomorrow we fly out to Calgary for a whole other kind of whirl wind experience. I can hardly wait! There's still SO much to do....but the wheels are in motion and ultimately I hope to just "show up on the day"!

All this prep work, poised and ready for our cue - "And - Action"....and thus a new chapter in our live will begin!

R

A Bride Prepares....Part II: 5 Lbs Lighter!

I did it! I had my first ever COLONIC!

Is there NOTHING I won't write about on this Blog? If you're a recent reader, you may not realise that I wrote about my first ever bikini wax less than 6 months ago....But I figure, we're all human here, right? What do I have to hide? What do I go through that others haven't already - or may even be considering....and so, I write!

So - this afternoon I went to the Yellow Brick Road and released the wizard from behind the emerald curtain. Doesn't that sound nice? Truth be told - it was not as bad as I thought it would be. Seriously. I can't even believe I'm saying that!

Susan was true to her word and did make the whole thing as pleasant as possible. No candles, no teddy bear...but there was some nice music to be heard. The thing that made it tolerable was her casual, matter-of-fact approach to the whole procedure. Everything was explained, step by step - and, thank you God, she was gentle!

I'm tempted to go into graphic detail...But I will spare the gentler readers...If you're really interested you can drop me an email I suppose. Part of me wishes it was more traumatic than it was - what fodder it would have provided!

In the end (no pun intended!)...I cannot say it's not something I would do again. I think I might! Especially after Susan told me that the average person carries around SEVEN POUNDS of fecal matter in their gut - and it's constantly leaking toxins into the body! Nasty! Also, because it was my first time....Susan claims that I didn't have a "full release". Ladies especially can have a hard time letting it all go. One must learn to relax and let the procedure happen....

In the days following I felt a little tired, but not too bad at all. And now, I can walk down the aisle knowing I am 5 lbs lighter! Some brides diet, some exercise...some have their colon's flushed out by nice ladies named Susan!

Cheers!

A Bride Prepares....Part I!

The clock is ticking - and I'm not talking the 'biological clock' here (that's another story, for another day!) As of today there are 21 days until Bruce and I get married! CRAZY!

So, how does the modern bride prepare for the Big Day?

Well, I can speak only for myself....And I have chosen a curriculum of 'renewal' for myself. With Bruce and I getting hitched in the Spring time, both of us sacrificing our single lives in favour of a resurrection as a 'married couple' - it seems only fitting to me that the renewal be as widespread as possible...

The semester began on Monday with a FOUR HOUR visit to the Elmwood Day Spa! What a trip! Here's a brief blurb from their website on what I had done to me:

"MALA MAYI Body Treatment

Mala Mayi means 'clan food' and the name originates in Ngadjon, Arnham Land & Far Nth Queensland.
Unwind, invigorate and celebrate with this complete rejuvenation experience. First energize and nourish with a full body aromatic oil and Desert Salt exfoliation. Then calm and revitalize the spirit, cocooned in warm Mapi Body Mud which cleanses and delivers essential nutrients to the skin, whilst you experience Aboriginal massage techniques with the Paudi scalp massage. Refresh with a shower then surrender the body and soul to a rhythmic Miji Kodo massage. 90 minutes"

HOLY SHIT! I've never had anything of the like done to me! Yes - a large, gay, Asian man, named Richard, rubbed my naked body with OIL and SALT for 40 minutes. I felt like a piece of Kobe Beef. My skin now feels amazing - but I have to say that during the treatment the sensations bordered on 'upsetting'! Imagine being rubbed vigorously with a piece of sandpaper over every inch of your body! I had to keep breathing and telling myself, "He's not going to rub you until you bleed! Oh - it FEELS like you're probably about to bleed...but this man is a professional. Relax." It wasn't until well into the treatment that I was reminded, by an intense BURNING sensation in my right ankle, that I had cut my ankle while shaving my legs that morning! I now have first hand experience of having SALT RUBBED INTO A WOUND!!! Richard then proceeded to cover my entire body in hot, red mud and then wrap me in layer of sheets and plastic wrap. This would have been quite pleasant if I had not had to go to the washroom from all the belly rubbing! I lay on the table, trying to enjoy the mud wrap, while wondering if Richard would notice if I peed the bed amidst all that oil, salt and red mud....I ended up calling off the mud wrap early out of urinary desperation! This treatment was followed up by a wonderful massage...and then I toodled up to the fourth floor (oh yeah - the Elmwood Spa is floor, after floor of body-delights!) for a Delux Facial that was so relaxing I fell asleep (except during the part where the gal squeezed every pore on my face. OUCH!!!!)

I emerged a fresh faced, detoxed, relaxed, super-softie-soft lady! Wonderful!

The curriculum of renewal doesn't stop there though! Oh no! I continue to go to the gym (VERY unlike me!) and work with a trainer. I now have muscle definition in places I didn't think there were muscles! And next week I will go in to see my Stylist, Eric, at Salon Daniel for a cut, color and consultation on how to do my hair for the wedding.....But TODAY will be the most challenging part of the curriculum of all! You see, today I have booked myself in to the Yellow Brick Road Holistic Clinic for a....for a....for a....COLONIC!

There! I said it...or rather typed it: COLONIC. God help me! This is not just some arbitrary choice I've made...it was suggested to me by my accupuncturist for health reasons. It has also been HIGHLY recommended to me by several friends, who shall remain nameless, as a great thing to do for your body in the spring. I have been told, "Once you get over the mental hurdle of what's happening to you - in the end you feel AMAZING, so light, and clean, and even high afterwards." After careful consideration....I figured, what the hell? Now's as good a time as any! Let's take 'spring cleaning' to the MAX!

(And I will take time to re-emphasise that this colonic biz IS all about better health, and NOT, as several friends have so ludely suggested, "because Bruce likes to play the back 9." MY GOD! The friends I have! So please, save your comments about "Don't knock it 'til you've tried it" - I've heard this all before from two pals in particular that I am ITCHING to name here, but won't. For anything OTHER than health procedures we will always be talking : EXIT ONLY!)

So I called and booked the appointment - and I was very upfront with the lady about being REALLY NERVOUS about the whole thing. And do you know what she said? She said, "Oh, don't worry...I'll make it very pleasant for you." !!!!!!!!!!!!

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????

This BEGS the question: And just HOW do you make something like that pleasant?! This was the first thing Albert Howell asked when I shared that with him. My response: "Well, I don't know, maybe she'll play some really nice music and light a bunch on beeswax candles." To which Albert replied: " You're gonna need a LOT of fucking candles!" The only other thing I could think of is that perhaps she might offer me a teddy bear to cling to at some point.......And I can honestly say that I have NEVER seen Albert laugh so hard as he did at the thought of me, laying on my side, surrounded by hundreds of beeswax candles, listening to Enya, with a HOSE UP MY ASS, clutching a teddy bear and crying just a little bit.....Ah - True Friendship.

If I can swing it - I'm going to sneak in a cell phone and call Albert right in the middle of the whole procedure just to really BURN it into his mind!

So - that is what I have to look forward to later today. If you are reading this around 2:30pm Toronto time, pause for a moment and send me good, gentle, pleasant thoughts....And keep the giggling to a minimum!

;-)